feeling heartboken

I graduated college in May of 2009 and here I am now in January of 2011...in four months it will be 2 years since Jon & I have lived in the same state. We have done long Distance for almost two years. It has been the most difficult years I have ever gone through.

When you are really in love with someone it does not matter how far away you are or how long it is until you can see each other again ..... but your heart aches for just even a few hours with the person you love. things are not the same. It difficult to experience amazing things and not have that person around to share them with. I feel like I go though so many things and see, learn and feel new things and I have to pick up the phone just to communicate them with Jon.

I have never dealt with something that was so hard in my life.

I have an amazing family and i am so lucky and grateful to have them in my life. I would not have made it these last two years without them being around.I have made some new friends who have made my day pass faster, and I also have some wonderful friends who do not live very close to me but i know i can pick up the phone and spend time reconnecting with them.

But its not enough... I am longing for the time when i do not have to tell Jon goodbye any more. My heart aches for a hug and kiss everyday from him. I have spent so many nights with tears rolling down my face because that future that we dream about seem so far away.

You could ask Jon at any moment how many times have we talked about why things are not happening, or how i continue to ask him why do i feel like i am just treading water not getting closer to anything. Sometimes I feel like i am standing in the middle of a desert and crying out to God and he has forgotten us. I know that God has placed these rich desires in our hearts to follow him and to use our passions for him, and we have gone as far as we can getting there and there are no doors that are opening.

For goodness sake, I currently hold THREE separate license in different states and I cannot find a full-time Job teaching to save my life. I find myself crying out almost on a daily basis for God to restore all my trust in him and to help me put all my faith and trust in him.. and i still feel like i am being forgotten.

You can talk to God because God listens. Your voice matters in heaven . He takes you very seriously. When you enter His presence, the attendants turn to you to hear your voice. No need to fear that you will be ignored. Even if you stammer or stumble, even if what you have to say impresses no one, it impresses God, and he listens. -

"I call to you in times of trouble, because you will answer me" - Psalm 86:7

This is from a daily devo that I receive. It is the cry in my heart.. I need God to hear me. I need to know that God hears me.

I am His, and I know the plans he has for me are plans for a hope and a future.

Jesus ... I am ready for you to open those doors. I am ready to see what you have for me to do. I know you love myself and Jon and that you have created us for each other. You have blessed out lives with the Love between us and I am so grateful. Please help me to continue to rely on you and feel you hand guide use through this tough time. We need you more than ever!